Dear Tanya, I do agree that the healing process can be more painful than the trauma. As someone who was abused as a child, the defence mechanisms that can kick in to deal with the abuse, meant that I was able to distance myself from the abuse as it occurred.
As a 60 year old I started psychotherapy and facing up to the abuse caused severe emotional and mental anguish, resulting in me relapsing after 36 years of freedom from alcohol addiction. I also started to self-harm by cutting myself and taking overdoses.
After 10 years of therapy and two Christian 12 step programmes and a Freedom in Christ Course, I was finally free from the pain of abuse and the alcohol addiction.
God led me to my therapist. The Covid lockdown enabled me to take part in the 12 step programmes and Freedom in Christ online.
God’s timing is perfect as my husband died after I was healed, which would have been disastrous if in middle of therapy.
Thank you for your commitment to helping churches to think about how we view people with disabilities.
Tanya...as i read your note, I realized how my painful healing is multifaceted. I have had two brain surgeries (2006 and 2015) and each left "deficits." During that time, I was so certain of what I thought I knew about God and how my decisions were being guided by "Him." But I did start deconstructing a few things about my belief system as I spent time in bed reading. That process has unfolded to the present moment. I am still a "believer," but no longer an evangelical. Now, in this season, the brain tumor has regrown, and although it's benign, it's on my brain stem...we cannot allow it to grow. I found out through new doctors that my second brain surgery (which destroyed my private practice and most of my career) was unnecessary and I was taken advantage of by a surgeon. I also had a major stroke during that second surgery which I suspected but was denied it happened and it isn't in my medical chart. That turned all I thought about God's guidance at the time I had that surgery on its head. Now I am recovering (physically) from radiation treatment and recovering (spiritually) from a sh*&load of cognitive dissonance surrounding my beliefs about God and my two brain surgeries. This is definitely a painful healing. One thing that is helping me is to know "when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, and to know when to run." That surgeon lost his license due to another case years ago so cannot hurt anyone else. I think of that Scripture, "Forgetting those things that are behind and reaching forth to those things that are before..." That's how I'm choosing to heal.
Wow, that is a lot. So hard from just the physical point of view, but when it involves needless surgery, lies and then figuring out where on earth God was in all this, that is another level. I am awed by your wisdom to forget what is behind and press on to the future, and I’m glad to hear that the surgeon can’t hurt anyone else. Thinking of you today.
I have read your newsletters for years. I was concerned during this time because of all you have had to endure. ME !!! I did not research ME until I got Long Covid. Oh! Now not only am I concerned but I understand. Thank you for this post. It has made my thoughts of this past week into a conversation. A sudden death of a lady's husband triggered these thoughts. Yes, recovery can warp the original pain into something uglier, more painful, or disabling than the Initial event. For some of us aloneness adds a particular kind of darkness into these times of "after". But as Henri Nouwen wrote: "Solitude is the place of great struggle and the great encounter."
It's so lovely to hear from you, Tanya, and I appreciated this piece very much!
I am currently trying to heal from a stressful situation I am still in and unable to leave. It is proving difficult. But I am also trying to be kind to myself and not get annoyed when I have big reactions to small things that I don't think I should be triggered by. That might be even more difficult! 😂
Dear Tanya, I do agree that the healing process can be more painful than the trauma. As someone who was abused as a child, the defence mechanisms that can kick in to deal with the abuse, meant that I was able to distance myself from the abuse as it occurred.
As a 60 year old I started psychotherapy and facing up to the abuse caused severe emotional and mental anguish, resulting in me relapsing after 36 years of freedom from alcohol addiction. I also started to self-harm by cutting myself and taking overdoses.
After 10 years of therapy and two Christian 12 step programmes and a Freedom in Christ Course, I was finally free from the pain of abuse and the alcohol addiction.
God led me to my therapist. The Covid lockdown enabled me to take part in the 12 step programmes and Freedom in Christ online.
God’s timing is perfect as my husband died after I was healed, which would have been disastrous if in middle of therapy.
Thank you for your commitment to helping churches to think about how we view people with disabilities.
Tanya...as i read your note, I realized how my painful healing is multifaceted. I have had two brain surgeries (2006 and 2015) and each left "deficits." During that time, I was so certain of what I thought I knew about God and how my decisions were being guided by "Him." But I did start deconstructing a few things about my belief system as I spent time in bed reading. That process has unfolded to the present moment. I am still a "believer," but no longer an evangelical. Now, in this season, the brain tumor has regrown, and although it's benign, it's on my brain stem...we cannot allow it to grow. I found out through new doctors that my second brain surgery (which destroyed my private practice and most of my career) was unnecessary and I was taken advantage of by a surgeon. I also had a major stroke during that second surgery which I suspected but was denied it happened and it isn't in my medical chart. That turned all I thought about God's guidance at the time I had that surgery on its head. Now I am recovering (physically) from radiation treatment and recovering (spiritually) from a sh*&load of cognitive dissonance surrounding my beliefs about God and my two brain surgeries. This is definitely a painful healing. One thing that is helping me is to know "when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, and to know when to run." That surgeon lost his license due to another case years ago so cannot hurt anyone else. I think of that Scripture, "Forgetting those things that are behind and reaching forth to those things that are before..." That's how I'm choosing to heal.
Wow, that is a lot. So hard from just the physical point of view, but when it involves needless surgery, lies and then figuring out where on earth God was in all this, that is another level. I am awed by your wisdom to forget what is behind and press on to the future, and I’m glad to hear that the surgeon can’t hurt anyone else. Thinking of you today.
Thank you Tanya! ❤️
I have read your newsletters for years. I was concerned during this time because of all you have had to endure. ME !!! I did not research ME until I got Long Covid. Oh! Now not only am I concerned but I understand. Thank you for this post. It has made my thoughts of this past week into a conversation. A sudden death of a lady's husband triggered these thoughts. Yes, recovery can warp the original pain into something uglier, more painful, or disabling than the Initial event. For some of us aloneness adds a particular kind of darkness into these times of "after". But as Henri Nouwen wrote: "Solitude is the place of great struggle and the great encounter."
Thank you for your concern for me all these years - but I’m so sorry that you now have Long Covid. :-(
Thanks for sharing your response to the post. I’m not a big fan of solitude, and so I remain challenged by that Henri Nouwen quote today.
It's so lovely to hear from you, Tanya, and I appreciated this piece very much!
I am currently trying to heal from a stressful situation I am still in and unable to leave. It is proving difficult. But I am also trying to be kind to myself and not get annoyed when I have big reactions to small things that I don't think I should be triggered by. That might be even more difficult! 😂
I'll be praying about that situation - I'm sorry you're in the position that you can't leave. Yes to being kind to yourself! Much love
Thank you! x