Lent for Exhausted People

With thanks to Dr Chanequa Walker-Barnes

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The other day, someone asked what I was doing for Lent, and I’m afraid that the first thing I felt was my heart sinking.

My somewhat dismissive reply was that I already had enough deprivation in my life.

After all, I am pretty much bed-bound ordinarily due to my severe M.E. and PoTS, but I can usually get out for a couple of hours or so in my wheelchair once a week or so. In addition to this, I’ve had a bit of a run of bad health since October, and with the flu in January, I’ve been stuck in bed for more than 23 hours a day, and I’ve only left the house once (for a brief doctor’s appointment) since January. So I already don’t have my mobility, my independence, my health, and I can’t even eat that much chocolate right now because I feel so yuck. On top of all this, I’ve completely lost my voice - coming up to five weeks now, for those keeping count. (Not leaving the house makes me a little grumpy, too, for those who are very observant).

So I will not be giving up sugar for Lent, nor giving up complaining.

_________

However, I have been thinking a lot about Ash Wednesday, and what it represents.

The world news right now is overwhelming, with each day a fresh revelation of something awful happening: the most vulnerable people deprived of essential help; innocent civilians being targeted in warfare; minority groups singled out for hostility or attack.

I’m not alone in experiencing the cycle of feeling outraged, then determined to do something, then feeling overwhelmed by it all and wanting to hide. My small acts of resistance (writing to my MP, declaring that I stand with Ukraine on social media etc) are puny and done in small bursts of adrenaline-fuelled bravery, but most of the time, like the rest of us, I feel helpless and despairing.

Ash Wednesday speaks into that state of being.

We want to help, but we are scared.

We want to do good, but we fall short.

We want to be unselfish, but we also want to make sure we’re okay first.

We want to change the world, but we feel powerless.

We are disturbed by the state of our globe, but too small to fix it all.

In short, we are dust. We are Mudlings: adams from adamah (ground), humans from humus (earth). We are cobbled together with the same chemicals as muck, with the breath of God hovering within us.

On Ash Wednesday, we remember both those truths: we have the the breath, the Spirit of God indwelling us, yet we are made of clay. We break, we collapse, we crumble. We sin, we ignore, we hide.

_____________

At the last minute, I have found a resource that meets me where I am for Lent. Dr Chanequa Walker-Barnes’, theologian, professor and clinical psychologist, has written a book designed for the Lent season: Sacred Self-Care. In her introduction, she said this:

I embarked on a journey to self-care with a few small changes: affirmations, daily prayer and meditation, regular exercise, and breaks during my day. Within weeks, I felt better physically and emotionally. I felt more secure in my own identity and more connected to other people. But there was an unanticipated benefit: I felt more connected to God. It turned out that the more I cared for myself, the more I wanted to serve God in the world.

- Chanequa Walker-Barnes, Sacred Self-Care

It is so counter-intuitive to many Christians’ mindsets that caring for ourselves is not actually a selfish thing but something that opens us up to God.

So this Ash Wednesday, I will not be ‘doing Lent’, because I am tired and don’t need another burden to carry. I will be imperfectly reading a book, and imperfectly trying to do good in the world, and imperfectly resting, and imperfectly reflecting, and imperfectly praying, and then resting again.

This is all we have, because we are dust. But perhaps this is all we need, because the Breath of God is within us.

“Then the Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and the man became a living being.” Genesis 2:7, NRSV

Over to you:

Do you find Lent practices helpful?
Does this Lent feel different to normal?

What do you find meaningful about Ash Wednesday?

Are you doing anything to mark Lent?

P.S. My blog has been largely abandoned as I’ve moved to a Substack system, but I did want to highlight two podcasts that you may have missed.

1. Something Is Broken - Unseminary Podcast with Rich Birch. Listen for 30 minutes to our discussion following my popular post, ‘But his books are still good, right?’: 5 things Christians must stop saying about sexual abusers. So often Christians act as unwitting defenders of abusers, simply because they liked their books, or sermons, or they were nice to them. We unpick some of the problems with this approach and explore whether all sins really are the same as each other. Click here to listen to the podcast, and click here to read my original post.

2. Evolving Faith Podcast: A Story of Suffering with Tanya Marlow. Back in 2019, I spoke at Evolving Faith conference on the narratives we have around suffering, and how we can create truer ones. This podcast contains my entire ten minute talk, together with Sarah Bessey and Jeff Chu offering analysis and beautiful compliments about my message. If you missed the conference, then do catch up here (podcast and transcript).

P.P.S. I’m trying to take out all the rogue links in my website that take people to a now defunct Mailchimp sign up, but people are still signing up with the Mailchimp form. MY MAILCHIMP NEWSLETTER IS GONE! We’re all about the Substack now. If you are reading this online through someone else’s link, please make sure that you sign up to Substack (and get your free ebook with it!)